Understanding Masculinity: The Positive and the Toxic
Masculinity is a complex and multifaceted concept, shaped by cultural, societal, and individual influences. At its core, masculinity is not inherently good or bad—it is a set of traits and behaviours often associated with men. However, the way these traits manifest can have a profound impact on individuals and society. In this context, two terms often arise: toxic masculinity and positive masculinity.
Toxic Masculinity refers to harmful societal norms and behaviours that promote dominance, emotional suppression, and aggression as measures of manhood. Characteristics like rejecting emotions, glorifying violence, and devaluing others—especially women and marginalized groups—are central to this concept. These traits often lead to a cycle of harm, not only for men but for everyone in their lives.
On the other hand, Positive Masculinity celebrates and encourages behaviours that are constructive, empathetic, and nurturing. It emphasizes emotional awareness, healthy relationships, and a commitment to personal growth and community well-being. Positive masculinity isn’t about rejecting all traditionally masculine traits but redefining them in a way that benefits both individuals and society.
Characteristics of Toxic Masculinity
Toxic masculinity is characterized by attitudes, behaviours, and societal expectations that prioritize dominance, emotional suppression, and aggression over emotional well-being, empathy, and authentic self-expression. These traits create harmful cycles that affect individuals, relationships, and broader society.
1. Emotional Suppression
• Denial of Vulnerability: Men are discouraged from expressing emotions like sadness, fear, or insecurity.
• Stoicism as Strength: Emotions are perceived as weakness, leading to emotional detachment.
2. Aggression and Dominance
• Use of Violence: Physical or verbal aggression is seen as a legitimate way to assert power or resolve conflicts.
• Control Over Others: A tendency to dominate relationships, whether personal, professional, or societal.
• Hyper-Competitiveness: The constant drive to outdo others, often at the expense of cooperation or collaboration.
3. Misogyny and Devaluation of Others
• Objectification of Women: Viewing women primarily through a lens of physical appearance or sexual utility.
• Reinforcement of Gender Hierarchies: Upholding beliefs that men are superior to women or should hold more power.
• Exclusion of Marginalized Groups: Hostility toward individuals who don’t conform to traditional gender roles, such as LGBTQ+ individuals.
4. Fear of Vulnerability
• Avoidance of Help: Refusing to seek assistance for emotional or mental health challenges, viewing it as a failure.
• Overcompensation: Exaggerating traditionally masculine traits to mask insecurities or fears.
5. Rigid Gender Roles
• Pressure to Conform: Expecting men to adhere strictly to stereotypical behaviours, such as being the primary provider or showing no emotion.
• Shaming Non-Conformity: Ridiculing or ostracizing men who don’t fit these expectations, such as those who are more nurturing or emotional.
6. Dismissal of Accountability
• Blaming Others: Refusing to take responsibility for harmful actions, often shifting blame to external factors.
• Resistance to Feedback: Dismissing constructive criticism, especially from women or marginalized individuals.
7. Risk-Taking and Neglect of Health
• Recklessness: Engaging in dangerous behaviours to prove masculinity, such as substance abuse or extreme risk-taking.
• Neglect of Self-Care: Prioritizing work or status over physical and mental health.
8. Emotional Isolation
• Difficulty Building Intimacy: Struggles to create deep, meaningful relationships due to fear of emotional closeness.
• Reliance on Anger: Using anger as a primary outlet for frustration or emotional pain.
The Impact of These Traits
These characteristics not only harm the individuals embodying them but also perpetuate negative cycles within families, communities, and workplaces. Recognizing and addressing these traits is a crucial step toward dismantling toxic masculinity and fostering healthier, more supportive environments for everyone.
Characteristics of Positive Masculinity
Positive masculinity focuses on building a version of manhood that values emotional well-being, respect for others, and a commitment to personal and social growth. These characteristics contribute to healthier relationships, communities, and an authentic sense of self.
1. Emotional Intelligence
• Awareness of Emotions: Recognizing and understanding one’s own emotions without judgment.
• Healthy Expression: Communicating feelings effectively and constructively, without fear of being perceived as weak.
• Emotional Regulation: Managing emotions, such as anger or sadness, in a way that is both constructive and considerate.
• Support for Others: Encouraging emotional openness in others and being a safe space for their feelings.
2. Empathy and Compassion
• Understanding Others: Actively seeking to comprehend the emotions and experiences of others, even when they differ from your own.
• Kindness in Action: Showing care and support through actions that uplift others, especially those who are vulnerable or marginalized.
• Respecting Differences: Acknowledging and valuing the diversity of experiences, perspectives, and identities.
3. Authenticity
• Embracing Vulnerability: Being honest about fears, insecurities, and challenges, knowing it fosters growth and connection.
• Living True Values: Aligning actions and decisions with personal principles and beliefs.
• Encouraging Openness: Inspiring others to be genuine and vulnerable by leading with authenticity.
4. Healthy Relationships
• Mutual Respect: Treating partners, friends, colleagues, and family members with dignity and fairness.
• Open Communication: Building trust by sharing thoughts and feelings openly and listening without defensiveness or interruption.
• Conflict Resolution: Addressing disagreements constructively, seeking solutions that respect all parties involved.
• Collaboration Over Competition: Working with others to build stronger connections rather than striving to dominate or outdo.
5. Accountability
• Owning Actions: Accepting responsibility for words, behaviours, and their impact on others.
• Learning from Mistakes: Using missteps as opportunities for growth rather than defensively justifying harmful actions.
• Standing by Commitments: Keeping promises and being reliable in both personal and professional contexts.
• Promoting Justice: Speaking up against injustices or harmful behaviours within oneself or others.
6. Advocacy and Brotherhood
• Supporting Other Men: Actively encouraging and helping other men to grow emotionally, mentally, and socially.
• Challenging Toxicity: Calling out harmful behaviours and attitudes, not to shame, but to foster change and accountability.
• Building Community: Creating spaces where men can connect, share experiences, and support one another’s personal growth.
7. Healthy Boundaries
• Knowing Limits: Setting and respecting personal boundaries to maintain emotional and physical well-being.
• Respecting Others’ Autonomy: Recognizing and honouring the boundaries of others, especially in relationships.
8. Commitment to Self-Improvement
• Growth Mindset: Continuously striving to improve oneself in areas like emotional intelligence, skills, and relationships.
• Seeking Help When Needed: Normalizing reaching out for support, whether from friends, family, or professionals.
• Modelling Positive Behaviours: Demonstrating qualities like kindness, resilience, and accountability to inspire others.
9. Courage and Integrity
• Facing Challenges: Confronting difficulties with resilience and determination, while acknowledging fears and uncertainties.
• Upholding Values: Acting in alignment with principles, even when it’s difficult or unpopular.
• Advocating for Fairness: Using one’s position to stand up for others and challenge systems or behaviours that perpetuate harm.
10. Compassionate Masculine Energy
• Balancing Strength and Softness: Embracing both the protective and nurturing sides of masculinity.
• Empowering Others: Using strength and influence to uplift, protect, and empower people around you.
The Impact of Positive Masculinity
By embodying these qualities, men can create environments of trust, safety, and mutual respect. Positive masculinity not only benefits the men practicing it but also helps to dismantle harmful stereotypes, build healthier communities, and foster a more inclusive and supportive society.
The Societal Impact of Toxic Masculinity
Toxic masculinity affects all facets of society, often perpetuating harm in the following ways:
• Reinforcing Gender Inequality: Toxic masculinity upholds systems that devalue and oppress women and marginalized groups.
• Normalizing Aggression: It glorifies violence as a solution to conflict, leading to domestic violence, street violence, and even systemic issues like workplace harassment.
• Discouraging Help-Seeking Behaviour: Men entrenched in toxic norms are less likely to seek help for mental health issues, leading to higher rates of substance abuse, depression, and suicide.
Relationships and Family
In personal relationships, toxic masculinity can create environments of fear, misunderstanding, and alienation. It stifles emotional intimacy and communication, often leading to conflict and breakdowns in trust. Unchecked, these behaviours can perpetuate cycles of trauma within families, with long-term effects on children and partners.
Positive masculinity, conversely, nurtures healthy relationships by encouraging equality, emotional openness, and mutual respect. It provides a foundation for families to grow and thrive, free from the constraints of outdated gender roles.
The Benefits of Positive Masculinity
Adopting positive masculinity brings numerous benefits:
1. Improved Mental Health: Men who embrace emotional vulnerability experience greater emotional balance and resilience.
2. Healthier Relationships: Open communication and mutual respect lead to more fulfilling personal and professional connections.
3. Community Growth: Men acting as allies and role models contribute to a culture of equality and understanding.
4. Breaking Harmful Cycles: By rejecting toxic norms, men can challenge stereotypes and encourage future generations to live authentically.
How to Foster Positive Masculinity
Positive change begins with self-awareness and action. Men have a responsibility—not just to themselves, but to each other and to society—to embody and promote positive masculinity.
1. Self-Reflection and Accountability
Every man must take an honest look at his own behaviours and attitudes. Acknowledge the ways in which toxic norms might have influenced you and take steps to change. Own your mistakes, apologize when necessary, and commit to growth.
2. Call Out Unhealthy Behaviours
It is our duty to hold ourselves and others accountable. When you see harmful behaviours, whether it’s sexist remarks, acts of aggression, or emotional neglect, address them constructively. Challenge stereotypes that perpetuate harm and encourage others to do the same.
3. Support Each Other
Men often suffer in silence, fearing judgment or rejection if they show vulnerability. Create safe spaces for open and honest dialogue, where men can share their struggles without fear of ridicule. Be the brother who listens, encourages, and uplifts.
4. Embrace Vulnerability
Vulnerability is not weakness—it is a sign of strength and authenticity. By showing emotions, seeking help, and being open about struggles, men not only improve their own well-being but also inspire others to do the same.
5. Engage in Healthy Conflict Resolution
Reject aggression as a default response. Instead, approach conflicts with understanding, empathy, and a willingness to collaborate on solutions.
6. Educate and Advocate
Foster discussions about gender norms, emotional health, and positive masculinity in schools, workplaces, and communities. Advocate for changes that promote equality and support for all individuals, regardless of gender.
Promoting Positive Masculinity in Australia
In Australia, where cultural norms have often glorified toughness and stoicism, fostering positive masculinity is crucial. From high rates of male suicide to domestic violence, the cost of toxic masculinity is starkly evident. By working together as individuals, families, and communities, Australians can shift these norms and create a more equitable and compassionate society.
A Call to Action
As men, we have a shared responsibility to rewrite the narrative of masculinity. It starts with us—acknowledging where we are, challenging outdated norms, and supporting one another in the journey toward positive masculinity. Together, we can create a culture that values emotional well-being, fosters equality, and empowers future generations to live authentically.
Let’s step up—not as dominators, but as collaborators and caretakers. It’s time to redefine what it means to be a man.
Exercise
We also offer a practical tool designed to help men reflect on their definition of masculinity, identify and challenge negative traits, and embrace positive qualities such as emotional intelligence, authenticity, and accountability. Ideal for personal use or group settings, it fosters self-awareness, encourages open dialogue, and provides actionable steps to support growth and healing. Perfect for starting your journey toward positive masculinity.
References:
1. Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2022.
2. Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, 2022.
3. Crowther Centre, 2019.
4. Kiselica et al., 2016.
5. American Psychological Association, 2018.