Redefining Masculinity: A Greek Perspective
Since I started working with men specifically, one word has been tossing around my head: masculinity. I see it everywhere, whether it is used for toxic or healthy behaviours. But what exactly is it? Is it a set of actions? Or beliefs? Or big muscles? When I think of masculinity, so many words come to my mind. Words such as provider, courageous, tough, toxic, alone, scared, addictions, caring. Do you see the polarity in these descriptive words? Maybe a part of my belief has been formed by culture, societal expectations, history, social media… and maybe the other words on what I would like a man to describe his masculinity.
I grew up in a very loving household in Athens, Greece. Yes, as soon as you hear Greece, especially in the 80s, you envision some old Greek dude with a thick moustache and a pinky nail, picking his nose and demanding his slippers to be brought to him by his obedient wife as soon as he gets home. The kind of guy who thinks saying I love you, counts as "emotional labour." Maybe this sounds very far-fetched, but believe me, this happens even today (thankfully this is the exception).
My father was the most caring person I ever met in my life and has been my inspiration and guide to who I am today. Loving and caring. Putting his family above everyone and everything else. Doing three jobs to make sure that we wouldn't miss out on anything. Always holding my mother in his special way, making sure that she gets exactly what she needed. You see, my mother was a 2nd World War orphan and she never managed to heal her traumas.
The thing that I never realized as a young man was how my father was not able to look after himself. Besides his Byzantine music and playing racket ball on the beach in the rain, snow, or hail, he had nothing else in his life. His priority was us. Stoic and patient… courageous with unlimited endurance. Some might say the definition of masculinity. All I know now, as an older man with my own life experiences and lessons, is that my father maybe he would have still been alive if he knew how to look after himself a little bit more, instead of dying from a preventable death such as a bowel infection that caused sepsis.
I am sorry for the long introduction, but it all makes sense in my head while I try to explore the meaning of masculinity. You see… I keep coming back to my roots. And there are two words in the Greek vocabulary that really stand out in terms of how I envision the word masculinity: Παλληκάρι (pallikari) and λεβέντης (levedis).
Παλληκάρι, this beautiful word that has traveled through centuries of Greek history, originally referred to a young man before puberty and evolved to describe someone characterized by courage, fighting spirit, and boldness. When I hear this word, my heart swells with pride at its cultural significance—how it shaped our national identity especially during times of occupation and struggle for independence. "Στον πόλεμο φαίνονται τα καλά τα παλληκάρια" ("In war, good pallikaria reveal themselves"), my father used to say, reminding me that true courage shows itself during life's challenges, not while arguing about sports teams or posting gym selfies. The concept transcends mere physical strength, embracing a holistic vision of manhood that balances individual capability with community responsibility. I see my father in this word—stoic, resilient, serving his family above all else.
Λεβέντης, a term embedded in Greek culture, describes a multidimensional ideal of masculinity that has evolved through centuries of collective experience. Closely related to παλληκάρι, yet carrying its own nuances, λεβέντης blends the aesthetic of upright stature and handsomeness with moral clarity, generosity, and courage. Qualities rooted in both seafaring and mercenary traditions that reflect Greece’s history of resilience and adaptability. Together, these words paint a vision of manhood that values moral courage alongside physical development, resourcefulness over rigidity, and community orientation rather than isolated strength. In a modern context, λεβέντης offers a powerful template for healthy masculinity: one that celebrates courage without domination, strength with intelligence, and excellence with responsibility. This archetype not only rejects toxic, dominance-based models but also resonates globally, paralleling Mediterranean ideals like the Italian levante or Spanish valiente, and providing a much-needed, holistic framework for manhood that honors both individual integrity and collective well-being.
These traditional Greek concepts don't restrict masculinity to physical attributes or dominance but instead incorporate character development alongside physical growth. They recognize that becoming a true παλληκάρι or λεβέντης involves a journey—maturation both in body and spirit. This developmental view feels healing to me now as I reflect on masculinity's many expressions. What if we embraced these rich cultural understandings rather than the limiting stereotypes that have caused so much harm? What if our young boys could see that true courage reveals itself in moments of genuine challenge rather than through power over others? I can almost feel my father nodding in agreement, his gentle presence reminding me that strength and tenderness are not opposing forces but complementary qualities of a whole human being.
For these beautiful Greek words with all their depth and wisdom, I notice they're missing something crucial for today's man - the concepts of self-love and emotional intelligence. While παλληκάρι and λεβέντης capture courage, honour, and community responsibility brilliantly, they emerged from times when men were expected to sacrifice themselves completely for others. My father embodied this - giving everything to us without keeping anything for himself. What if these powerful cultural concepts could be expanded to include the permission for a man to nurture himself, to understand and express his emotions fully? What if emotional awareness became as celebrated as physical courage? I believe this is the missing piece in our inherited understanding of masculinity - the recognition that caring for oneself isn't selfish but necessary, that emotional vulnerability isn't weakness but strength. For the modern παλληκάρι to truly thrive in today's complex world, he must learn to tend to his inner landscape with the same dedication he brings to protecting what he values.
Which leads me into my own definition of masculinity. Yes, us Greeks are trying to reinvent again… (We've only been philosophizing about human nature for about 3,000 years, so why stop now?) A man is defined by his beliefs, emotions, values, and actions. The modern masculine man knows how to look after himself. Goes to the gym or exercises. Has time to maybe meditate or do yoga. Maybe these activities don't relate to him? Maybe he just enjoys a quiet walk in nature. Or watching his favorite team on TV. It is not selfish to look after yourself. It is self-love and it is a fundamental quality in order to be able to provide from an authentic and abundant place, otherwise, you will simply run out of whatever is fueling you.
The masculine man might cry with his mate over drinking a beer or tell his partner what scares him or keeps him awake at night. The masculine man is not afraid to ask for help and most importantly receive. The masculine man does not rely on objects and addictions to give him strength. The masculine man knows that his new golf clubs and his BMW won't heal his anxiety and depression.
The masculine man knows how to hold his partner. Knows how to be a father and a friend. Is the provider. He is strong and courageous and will protect his family no matter what. He knows how to control his emotions and understands any form of violence is never the solution. The masculine man knows how to listen and be fully present. He is able to control his urges and doesn't use societal stereotypes to excuse his actions. He is self-aware.
The masculine man is caring, loving, and compassionate. He is authentic and has a purpose and intention. He values integrity and honesty. He is a modern παλληκάρι, ready to defend whatever is valuable for him, whether that's his family's wellbeing or the last slice of baklava.
This is the masculine man of the future, hopefully not the distant. We all have the responsibility for this. Blaming and finger-pointing never helped. Trauma will cause more trauma until the cycle is closed and the soul and body are healed. One in three women globally have experienced some form of violence by a man. Just do the math… almost 750 million! This number is mind-blowing… but equally scary is that these men, the perpetrators, are amongst us. Our fathers, brothers, uncles, friends, teachers, doctors… Some of them don't even know the extent of their actions as certain behaviours were normalized by their fathers and their father's fathers and so on. So where do we start? Let's create safe containers for our young boys to explore their masculinity. Let's be the inspiration and role model for them. We can't stay silent anymore when we see the same recurrent patterns. We are also responsible when we see harm and do not do anything about it. We are responsible when we press like or share certain reels and posts on our social media. We are responsible when we hide behind our fears and the mentality that nothing will change.
The future of masculinity lies in our hands. It is tender, strong, and capable of building something beautiful. We must teach our sons to sit with uncomfortable emotions rather than numbing them with screens, substances, or anger. We need to show by example how to communicate needs without aggression, how to love without possession, how to stand tall without stepping on others. This means having those difficult conversations at dinner tables, classrooms, in locker rooms, at workplace gatherings - calling in our brothers with compassion rather than shame when we witness harmful patterns. It means celebrating the men who show up fully in their families, who cry at movies, who apologize sincerely, who check their privilege, who lift others as they climb. Each of us can mentor one young man, can challenge one sexist joke, can model one vulnerable conversation that shows strength doesn't mean emotional armour.
We can create men's circles where authentic sharing replaces surface-level banter, where we practice the forgotten art of truly listening to one another's pain without rushing to fix it. We need fathers, teachers, and coaches who recognize that every interaction with a boy is teaching him something about manhood - what will your lessons be? Let's be clear - this work isn't just about preventing harm to women, though that alone would be reason enough. This is about liberating men from the prison of outdated masculinity that leaves them isolated, stressed, and disconnected from their own hearts. The παλληκάρι of tomorrow walks with an open heart as well as strong shoulders. He knows that his greatest power lies not in control but in connection, not in dominance but in depth of character. And together, step by step, conversation by conversation, example by example, we will create a world where our sons can be both fierce and tender, both powerful and emotionally whole.
